I am about to embark on the long drive home to Sacramento (from Los Angeles) for Christmas. Allow me to cut to the quick. As I expect the roads to be busier than normal, I want to plea for those of you who drive slow to please, for the love of all things holy and divine, to stay in the right lane. There are those of us who know how to drive who would like to get to our destinations hastily. We do not begrudge you for driving slow, just stay our of our way. I will be driving up I-5 which is essentially a 300 mile long straight line so it is not like I have to perform any stunt-like turns. The CHP put up the "Slower Traffic Keep Right" signs purposefully and deliberately. Even the over-regulated state of California knows that when you are barrelling down I-5 for nearly 400 miles it is silly to go only 65 miles per. So, if you drive slow in the fast lane you are essentially saying that you hate the men and women of the police force.

This also applies, nay, this especially applies to you self righteous prigs who get in the fast lane and drive the spped limit all the while thinking that you are doing the world a favor. You drift down the road telling yourself, "I am driving the speed limit and no one should go faster than the speed limit anyway, it is the law. By disallowing others to drive over the speed limit I am selflessly providing a service to my fellow travelers.I really am wonderful, aren't I?" Grow up and then sod off! Were it up to me every car would be sold with a single-use pistol inside to be used on those who simply do not know how to drive and refuse to let those of that do do (heh heh, do do). Then you softheads would be much less likely to meander at sixty miles per hour down the fast lane. If every car sold had my pistol in it, you lot would be the first to die, and rightfully so. You are not providing a service, your egomaniacal antics cause more frustration and accidents than they prevent, everyone (including your spouse and children) hates you and you should probably just kill yourself so as not to shame your family name any more than you already have you ball-less p***y.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!